In the United States, for many, Thanksgiving is celebrated this week.
I am a proponent of thankfulness--I think it's beautiful. In fact, I am in a journey of learning what it looks like to live out a spirit of gratitude and grace. It's difficult, good, work. The downside? This holiday of football and food comatose has me rolling my eyes at "thanksgiving". It's bad.
And it's not just the Black Friday (er, late Thursday) shopping. Nor is it just the realities of what colonization actually looked like (and how our textbooks tell only partial stories). But what's really getting me, in the midst of this all, is the mandatory, everyone shares, thanks-giving. You know, the time when the leader of the group or the family takes advantage of that period of quietness and brings the conversation back to "what it's all about".
You see, I am one who judges both myself and others. These times of sharing are full of intentional and unintentional judging on my part.
I hear "I'm thankful for my boyfriend" and I think "you want everyone to know you have a boyfriend. Duly noted, let's move on."
They say, "I'm thankful for Jesus" and I think "Brownie points for the Sunday school answer."
And then there's the one who says something like, "I'm just thankful to have a roof over my head" and I think "Yeah, me too, but now you're making our answers seem so trivial!"
These thanks-giving times are not meant to be selfish, but I make them. I worry about what others are going to think about me based on what I say and I judge others about what they say. And I think I'm not the only one who does this. So should we stop doing times of thanks-giving because of people like me who are secretly (or not-so-secretly any more) judging on the inside? Heck no. Personally, I've found a coping mechanism, of sorts, one to use for now as God works inside my heart on this issue of judging.
Here it is: I don't really listen to the content all that much. Instead, I listen to the other parts of what people are saying.
I see the relief in people's eyes as they give thanks for healing of...
I hear strength in their voice for their courage to go another year without...
I notice arms flailing out of enthusiasm for...
And sometimes I can hear the questioning between their words and their heart.
And sometimes I see the fidgeting of the person next to me when they hear the good fortunes another, not they, received.
There's more going on than the words and sometimes these can be a greater reflection of the gratitude and community experienced at Thanksgiving time. May we find wonderful things to be thankful for and express these in true ways this week. And may people like me not ruin it for those non-judgers I aspire to be like.
In thanksgiving,
Christina
